My son

I am guilty as charge. I feel guilty because I treated my kids really bad today. I was a mad woman, losing my temper only because my son didnt want to take a bath. He was also tired as he didnt take his afternoon nap. He was being so naught, loud and careless all at the same time I just lost myself. I spanked him with the pillow on to his thighs. He laughed. I dont know if he teased me but he acknowledged me being angry. What do I suppose to do? He kept banging the door, close it with a hard slam and before you notice open it back and repeat the same sequences. I was so tired. I was tired by chasing him down just to persuade him to take a bath. I mean, how hard could it be? Especially toddler like him where we still take charge in bathing them. All he needs to do is open up all his clothes, walk himself into the bathroom, and stand still. The au pere will do the rest. I was really clueless. And he was behaving soo badly to his little brother I started to freak out. That was the time when I spanked him. Twice. Now I feel sorry. I went inside my room to calm myself, reading a novel or lay down and play iPad. I was suddenly a little girl. A little spoiled girl who behaved really bad and turned out to have two children. Then my son who I scolded went inside the room and offered me pizza. I kept silent to show that I am not happy with his attitude although deep inside I melted.. He didnt change his attitude but he remembered that I was angry. When I was about to pray for Isya he came towards me and said in a soft voice that he wanted to go to sleep. I cannot stay silent, my heart instantly melted. So I kissed his forehead and said that I love him. He looked at me straight into the eye and said "Mum, please smile...".

Maaf ya Razki, I am learning as well. Every single day I start with a pray that today I can be a better mother for you and Bagas than yesterday. I am sorry if I acted really horrible today. But I do love you to the moon and back.