B can now speaks two words. In the age of four.
Taking it really slowly, but it's okay... it's okay... :)

4 tahun

My baby bee is almost four years old by the end of this October. I am proud of him because he shows a lot of progress compared to last year. We regularly take him to therapy. Now he can at least make more eye contacts and can say one or two words out of his cute small mouth. He is now very active and perhaps his biggest achievement is now he can eat solid food. It was not easy to introduce him to solid food as my son is very sensitive and rigid with new things. But we still have many homeworks ahead such as potty training and brush his teeth. This is very difficult because he always being very reluctant when it comes to brushing his teeth. But we will never give up for our son. Wish us luck!!

Bagas is still sick. It breaks my heart so much I feel like crying inside.

Bagas hari ini diuap. Sudah 2 hari batuknya berdahak dan susah sekali dikeluarkan. I am really concern with his health. Sampai sekarang Bagas belum menunjukkan tanda-tanda ke arah mau berbicara let alone responding to people. Tapi saya tidak mau menyerah ataupun berduka terlalu lama. Semua pasti ada jalannya. Saya harus tetap semangat untuk Bagas. Saya harus bisa lebih sabar, buat anak-anak saya.

Accepting reality

Bagas has been our center of attention this year.

Me being over worried and guilty of why Bagas's progress is much slower than this brother. Being almost 3 years old, Bagas still has not shown his ability to pay attention not to mention talk with proper human language. It turned my world upside down. Sensitive as I already am, by knowing this situation only makes it worse. There are times when I can get sad and angry in a snap of a finger. Most of the time blaming myself. Perhaps the largest obstacle is actually on me having to deal with myself. The hardest part is to accept reality.

My heart is torn apart looking at my son.
He is a handsome and healthy boy which makes me even more guiltier, thinking what I have done in the past that has made him into this state. But then I also learn that this kind of attitude is particularly useless. I need to stand up and face it. Accept it. Ikhlas dan rela. And the most important thing is get some help.

So we brought Bagas to a rehab medik doctor (sorry, I am not so sure with the English) which specializes on children. We got some suggestions and we registered Bagas to attend a series of therapies. I must say, taking your son to a hospital and saw him hysterically cried is not easy at all for me. But somehow, over time, it makes me stronger. I need to be strong for my children. And yesterday, when we met the doctor again for regular checkup (after one month of evaluation), my husband and I were so relieved to know that Bagas is not diagnosed with autism. He is a normal kid but experiencing MSDD (Multiple Sensoric Deficient Disorder). The doctor was so happy, I was even happier. But the therapies need to be continued so then Bagas can be stimulated almost all the time.

Alhamdulillah. Terima kasih banyak ya Allah.

But the challenges still continues. And we will do our best.

11 days

11 days off. So many things happened.

Bagas was hospitalized for 4 nights due to typhoid (return home on March 20th, 2014).
And today and tomorrow Enang is off because her son is getting married. Today is very much challenging in taking care of the kids and at the same time dealing with internal pressure. If there are two families in one roof it must be a lie if one said that they have never experienced any issues. Anyway, I am trying not to take in the negatives. Trying to be ignorant and move on. Tomorrow I will participate in a 3 weeks orientation for new staff. Rigid schedule though I will try to squeeze some time to "escape". I also wish we can go back to Bayangkara soon. The house has been renovated and @omjambul keep saying that the price is expensive. I feel bad for him though sometimes I feel like the situation is not collaborating with us. But I always miss Bayangkara. Maybe we can move there next weekend.


xx

Finally

Hari ini akhirnya datang bulan juga. Fyuh. Sempet deg2an karena terlambat. Pastinya pikiran mulai kemana-mana. Ga kemana-mana deng cuma satu mana and you know what. Iya, saya dan @omjambul sepakat untuk tidak punya anak lagi, paling tidak dalam waktu dekat. Saat ini saya menikmati sekali membesarkan Razki dan Bagas. Masa-masa repot perlahan2 mulai berlalu. Begadang, gendong2, ASI sudah selesai. Sekarang lebih banyak bermain bersama mereka, ngulet2 di tempat tidur atau bergulat satu sama lain sampai tertawa2. Selama kantor saya di Bogor saya bisa berangkat lebih siang dan jam stgh 5 sudah di rumah kembali. I want to the best quality time with my kids. Ini yang saya takutkan hilang kalau saya punya anak lagi. Ingin menghabiskan waktu sebanyak2nya bersama anak2. Bermain. Bukan mengurus susu dan popok lagi. Not that I said having another one is bad. It is just a personal choice. Mungkin juga saya tidak mau menambah lagi mengingat biaya pendidikan yang tambah mahal dll. We'll see. But for now I am already happy with the four of us :)